If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
