I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize