Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
