I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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