Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
