I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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