Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
