The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize