i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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