You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
