vagina is talking i cant
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
