I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
