Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
