I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
