oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
