Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
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