Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
where are you?
Hypothermia
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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