I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
