ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize