i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
