I molested 6 butterflies tonight
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
