the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
