The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
