he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
