shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
