Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
