i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
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