This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
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