So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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