My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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