Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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