Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
