The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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