I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
