My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
