i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize