the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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