there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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