Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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