i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
bring money and cleavage
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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