I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
