I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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