ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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