She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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