after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You have to summon your inner elephant
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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