Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
God I need to hump something, right now.
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