Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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