I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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