best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
