and my herpes radar will keep us safe
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
