Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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