Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
