but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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