bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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