And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
