It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
