so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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