It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
