she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
