My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
