better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
