Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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