THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
