It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
