I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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