she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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