That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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