could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize