just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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