The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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