I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
