Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
