I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
