Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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