I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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