I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
