i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
