Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
