My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
it hurts more in the daytime
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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