i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize