She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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