You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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