I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize