Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
