Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
