Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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