guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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