I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
