Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
