We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
