Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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