I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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