dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize