look no pants
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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