Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
