Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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