i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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