I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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