If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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