just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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