i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
