I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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